Hey Julius!
Your daddy and I have been working very hard on your baby room! We spent nearly a week painting the walls a pearlescent blue color with lots of texture (lots of coats) and washes. I loved painting the clouds! Daddy assembled the crib and I assembled the changing table. Here’s a sneak peak at your nursery! We’ll be adding more later as time goes on. The room is actually bigger than this photo, I just didn’t have the wide-angle lens on the camera. (The phone and cord in the room are only temporary and won’t actually be in there when you’re born.)

Love
Mommy

Good afternoon, Julius!
You’re now 19 weeks old and getting bigger and bigger! Hair on your scalp is sprouting this week. Your kidneys are producing more and more urine. You’re bigger than a large tomato and approx. 8.5 ounces.

Want to know more about what you’re body is doing right now? Read here!

Love
Mommy

Julius,
Good morning, love. I feel you moving so I know you can hear me! How are you, my precious? Are you getting enough healthy nutrients? Are you tripping on cool shapes and patterns in your dreams? Does it feel like you’re swimming in deep space? Sometimes I feel like the two of us are deeply connected and we can speak to each other. I love that you’re inside my body. I’ve waited over 9 years for this moment and it means so much that you’re here.

So wanna know what mommy’s going through?

When I wake up in the morning, my first thought is usually, “My bladder woke me up again?!” And then I spend a minute lying in bed wondering how much effort it would take to get out from under the warm covers, walk to the bathroom, pee, then how hard it might be to fall back asleep. The bladder always wins. So by the time I actually REALLY wake up in the day, I’ve actually already woken up three different times to go to the bathroom. I pee ALL the time, thanks to you - which means everything is going smoothly. Wow, now that I think about it… I actually have to go right now. Hang on….

Ok I’m back. Much better.

Also, I’ve got heartburn. Really bad. It hurts, even right now. And I’m drinking lots and lots and lots of water. I take a couple Tums when it gets really painful, but it doesn’t seem to do much. I’ve tried sleeping in many different ways and it still hurts. All the pregnancy sites I’ve been to say it’s normal at this stage. I’ve rarely in my life had a problem with heartburn so this is really new to me.

I’m still throwing up. Yeah, it isn’t pretty, baby. I have the scent of a dog which means I can sniff something from miles away and can tell you what it is and how long it’s been there. 99% of the time, the reason I puke is because I’ve smelled food of some sort. It’s ridiculous. It’s been that way for almost 5 months now. Just yesterday, I made the mistake of getting in the SUV with your daddy (he drove) without eating breakfast first (it was around 11am and I had only been awake for half an hour). We were on our way to a restaurant to get some food and all of the motion in the vehicle and the thought of having an empty stomach (yes, just the thought), made me sick to my stomach. I had to puke but the trash can was in the trunk! The trunk! (What’s it doing THERE?!) So I leaned toward the backseat to find something to throw up in, which was a canvas recyclable Bloomingfoods bag - which unfortunately for me contained bad smelling leftover food in tupperware containers from the night before. The smell alone made me nauseus but I felt if I puked in the bag, I’d smell it which would make it worse. I missed the bag. It was humiliating. It got on my clothes, my pants, the floor, the seat. Your daddy swerved the car over to a nearby parking lot from being at a green light and jerked the car to a stop (which made me puke another 3 or 4 times) and he opened the trunk to get the trash can. By then it was too late. I was a big yellow mess. We drove home and I got changed, cleaned the car… and ate a nutrigrain bar. Now I’m in the habit of keeping little healthy snacks in my purse all the time.

My back hurts all the time. Really. It’s like a mass murderer is stabbing my tailbone. It’s not your fault, it’s cause of all this weight I’ve put on. Unfortunately, I can’t diet or exercise more than now… so I’m going to have to endure another 4 or 5 months. I’ve been to a chiropractor… tried sleeping in different ways. Tried stretching, exercising, rotating, bending, you name it. The only thing that helps was the time I slept on a Sleep Number bed (setting 25) at a hotel. Oh my goodness. That bed actually healed my back for a few days! Remind me to get one of those if I ever get enough money!

Headaches and migraines. You’d laugh at me if you knew how many bottles of Tylenol I’ve had to buy.

Sneezing. I sneeze ALL the time now and when I do, it literally takes over my whole body. I have to grab my belly every time I sneeze because I feel it, even there.

Burping. Farting. Hiccups. Man, I’m like a walking time machine with excess everything. I feel unattractive most of the time, but I keep telling myself, “I’m pregnant! This happens!”

I love you so much, Julius. I’d go through all this a thousand times for you.

And just so you know, Daddy loves you too. He pets my belly almost every night and spends about a half an hour talking to you. Last night he spent quite a bit of time telling you how badly he can’t wait to play tennis with you!

Love
Mommy

Julius,

The day we found out you were a boy, we drove to Indiapolis and went shopping at the Baby Depot at the Burlington Coat Factory. They have a really cool baby section and we stocked up on a few much needed supplies for you!

We bought you:
A white convertible crib that will grow with you from infant years to toddler years
A white changing table
A really good carseat designed for infants (and attachments to make it good for when you grow)
A huge portable playpen with tons of attachments that turn it into a bassinet and a changing table and includes a mobile and side holders and lots of stuff.
Winnie-the-Pooh lamp
Winnie-the-Pooh crib bedding
Winnie-the-Pooh wall border
Winnie-the-Pooh crib mobile
Winnie-the-Pooh hamper
Winnie-the-Pooh mini rug

So we’ve definitely decided on a baby theme. We’re going with Winnie the Pooh and Tigger stuff. I grew up loving Tigger and the way I see it, any kid who grows up on Winnie won’t have a complex when they’re older. What kid doesn’t like Winnie the Pooh?!

I heard a pregnant lady the other day in a baby forum complaining that she hates baby stuff and hates baby things, the colors, the patterns, etc. She wanted to decorate her baby room like an adult room with classic vintage stuff. While I can understand not liking baby stuff, it made me sad that she would be willing to deny her child a CHILDHOOD simply cause SHE doesn’t like something. Granted, I don’t like most baby stuff out there cause it’s sooo cutesy. But then again, I’m not buying it for me! I’m an adult. Babies and adults usually like different things. If I bought you a book on quantum physics, you’d be likely to spit up on it or draw on the pages. I know better. Your daddy and I are in agreement that at LEAST with Winnie-the-Pooh, you get a GOOD welcome into the world and get to FEEL like the way a child should! Entertained!

When you’re ready to communicate things YOU like, we’ll more than likely accommodate. The guessing game is both fun as well as challenging. We just want to make sure we make all the right decisions so you grow up without needing a therapist later in life.

Love
Mommy

Our sweet Julius,
It’s official! We just found out you’re a boy! We saw your penis on the ultrasound, but I gotta say it took us FOREVER to locate it mostly because I’ve got a lot of layers of fat, plus we found out two weeks before we were supposed to. The ultrasound technician couldn’t find it the first time because you had an umbilical cord between your legs and it was hard to tell what was what. And after the longest time, she simply said, “Why don’t you come back in a month and I can tell you the gender then?” And I said, “Oh please?! We just have to know the gender. We haven’t bought anything for the baby yet because we’re waiting on what kind of things to buy. Please please can you find another way? Maybe a vaginal ultrasound?” So the woman reluctantly agreed, although she was still convinced it was too early to tell. But after just a minute or so, she said, “Well there’s a penis!” And she said it with quite a bit of confidence too. She even circled it on the ultrasound monitor and said, “See, there it is. That’s a penis.”

So welcome to the world, Julius Dior Williams, welcome to the world.

Love
Mommy

Hello little one,

Today you turn 18 weeks old in my belly Here’s an idea of what you look like right now!

Love
Mommy

Dear baby,
It’s been quite a guessing game trying to figure out your gender. Some nights I have dreams and you’re a boy. Other times, we’re positive you’re a girl. I’m convinced you really could go either way. Your father and I are both pretty gender-fluid ourselves, androgynous - people call it. A psychic said you’d be a boy. A clairvoyant friend said you’d be a girl. In three days (St. Patrick’s day), we have an appointment with the doctor for a new ultrasound results which SHOULD show your gender! We’re so excited! Only three more days! Hopefully you’ll be in a good enough position where we can see if you have a little penis or a  vagina. It’s so weird that we’re actually *wanting* to look at your genitals. I mean, during what time in a parent’s life is it actually an *eager* time to want to go LOOKING for the kid’s privates. It’s a tad weird, I’ll admit.

It’s not like I’m necessarily afraid to look, the body is a natural, human thing… unfortunately, there’s just so much stigma around parents looking at their kids the wrong way… so um, at least we’re doing it at the doctor’s office where it’s perfectly fine. Man, even writing about it somehow feels … eh… well, what can I say. Anatomy is a science. And it’s really difficult to pick out your nursery theme and buy your clothes without knowing your gender, so we  gotta look. Some parents wait till birth to find out, but I’m far more impatient! Three more days, yay!
Love
Mommy

Dear wonderful baby,
While browsing the science section at the book store, I ran across a book I’ve heard rave reviews about called “The Hidden Messages of Water” by Masaru Emoto. It’s about a Japanese man who photographed thousands of photos of water crystals for over a decade under a microscope. He shows photos of  frozen water within little tray dishes before and after sending the water “emotional thoughts.” Almost all of them had very few to zero crystals prior to sharing emotions. He would experiment by sending thoughts of “love and gratitude” and the water would display a snowflake-like crystal that looked impeccable! He would experiment with the SAME WATER and send negative emotions like “evil and hate” and the crystal would disappear and be replaced with chaos, discoloration, and rabid patterns.

I ended up buying the book and will probably end up getting the whole series, cause it’s really worth seeing. Positive emotions are not only good for the soul, but good for the earth. Considering we are made of approx. 75% water, if we think positive, loving thoughts as often as possible, it’s quite feasible that we could have crystals forming inside us - if not that, definitely good vibrations that heal. By the way, he also took photos of how water looks when you focus on healing, prayer, kindness, etc. I really thought it was interesting to see how the water crystals looked when he focused the word “earth” on the water. It was mostly very beautiful but had a lot of blurring and slight damage to it. I hope you love the book as much as I do!

Love
Mommy

Sweet child of mine,

Sometimes I think pregnancy brings out the best in people. It never occured to me, until I was pregnant, just how many mothers there are out there.  They’re like ants, they’re everywhere! When I went to the gas station up the street for some chocolate frosted donettes (mini donuts) and a bunch of chocolate goodies, I told the woman behind the counter, “Only a pregnant woman with cravings would buy this much junk food.” And she proceeded to tell me about the cravings she had during her pregnancy. And well… it seems everywhere I go, I’m either surrounded by other pregnant women or mothers with children. In some twilight zonish way, I’m reminded of the tv show, “Married with Children,” with Peggy and Al Bundy and realizing I’m married… with a kid on the way. It helps to be grateful that your daddy isn’t a beer-chugging shoe salesman, but it’s quite likely you can stick your hand out for money and he might fork it over. Don’t tell him I said that. Shhh…
Love
Mommy

Hello sweet unborn baby,
Today daddy and I had a beautiful moment of belly rubbing and intimate talking. I sang the song, “Dream a Little Dream of Me” by Mama Cass of Mama and the Papas, one of my favorites. I’ve heard that if I talk to you or sing to you, there’s a chance I could feel you moving. Sometimes, when I’m shopping at Target, I can feel little flutters in my womb and it feels a lot like a mini planet orbiting in my universal space! In a matter of weeks, I should feel your kicks and movement much stronger and with more consistently.

Movement is a lot like piano keys, they’re in constant vibration and motion. When the eyes connect with a matching soul, it’s like realizing a connection designed from your very own thoughts… some say that’s how a soul mate is made. There are some days I feel your daddy and I *had* to meet and were drawn together as if we were two opposite magnetic energy fields. Sometimes opposites really DO attract and when you’re meant to be together, you’ll know it. Who would have thought a black man with a feminine, submissive personality and a white woman with a masculine, dominant personality would fall in love with such intensity!
Love
Mommy